What It Feels Like To Be Single Since Birth

Lonely. Sad. Jealous. Those are the words people link to single people. But that’s only partly true. Yes, we do feel lonely when we see our friends’ Instagram posts with the hashtag #couplegoals. Yes, we feel sad when we think about the “good morning” and “good night” texts we are NOT going to receive. It’s especially hard for someone like me, an NBSB or No Boyfriend Since Birth.

Just My Imagination

It’s especially hard for someone who has never felt the kind of love only a partner can give. It’s one of the only kinds of love that isn’t forced on you. It either takes its time, creeping into each of your souls, or you fall hard and you fall fast. I’m happy with my family and friends. They give me more than I could ever ask for.

Sometimes, I daydream about someone hugging me from behind. Or ask my parents’ permission for us to go out, or just randomly ask me how I am. I imagine sitting on a sofa, curled up in his embrace watching a marathon of movies or series. It’s just us, nothing and no one else. Then I get sad when I realize that this can only happen in my imagination.

Valentine’s Day-dreamin’

Now that Valentine’s Day is coming up, I can only hope to receive something. Every year since high school, people have been coming into classrooms with flowers, food, or a performance. Every year since high school, I have been hoping that I had a secret admirer who was ready to come with his heart out. Every year since high school, I have been met with nil.

When people ask me why I’m still single, a million reasons race around my head. “I’m waiting for the right one,” “I’m still hoping Blank would like me,” “I don’t like the guys here,” are a few. Or maybe because I’m a hopeless romantic. I have this idealistic but unrealistic vision of love, of how we’ll meet or how my first kiss would be like. I blame that on movies, books, and T.V. shows. My standards are set so high that I could be pushing away the one who can and will finally break me. But the most accurate one, in my opinion, is that guys simply don’t like me. Then it turns out, they were checking out my friend.

Peek Into One NBSB Story

You may ask, “What are the effects of being an NBSB?” It disintegrates my already low self-esteem. This is mostly brought about by the last reason. I constantly think they’re better than me, or that guys aren’t into girls like me, or that I’m simply not worth it.

Because of this, I constantly try to change myself into something a guy I liked would like. I wear clothes that I think a guy would like. I wear makeup to hide what I think is undesirable.

I try to like the things they like. I get so caught up in the future where I could feel loved and wanted that I lose sight of what I am and what I have.

The Perks Of Being Alone

Which brings me to the perks of being alone. Freedom. I hear stories from couples and read stories and posts online that make me thank the stars I’m single. Asking how they are can go to a crazy level. Their boyfriend or girlfriend constantly checks up on them. It’s not because of concern, but because of jealousy. They fear they’re being cheated on. Aside from that, they ask permission from the significant other to go out not from the parents. It also seems to be mandatory to bring them along with on social gatherings. I don’t think I can handle that much time with just one person just yet. I get to explore the world without someone badgering me about who I’m with or what I’m doing. I think my parents are the only ones I accept doing that.

After 19 years of being single, I realized that I don’t have to have a boyfriend to celebrate Valentine’s Day. That day is about love, no matter from who it comes from.

To end, I think having a boyfriend would be nice but I enjoy my time alone, at least for now.